I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
