I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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