You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
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walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
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You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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