Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
