I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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