u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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