you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
