Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
