Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
