Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
