It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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