I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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