I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
