Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
