The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
