Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I looked at my own cervix.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
