Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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