You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We were destined to go to rehab together
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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