You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
