There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
