worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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