i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
