i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
