He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
