I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
