tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
