all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
