Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me

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(304): View more from West Virginia

You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground

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(205): View more from Alabama

I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.

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(517): View more from Michigan

These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Everyone says I win the strip club

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1

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