I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
