I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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