roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
