It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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