i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
