i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
