Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
