ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
