glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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