I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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