your thong is hanging out like whoa
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Mom said you looked used
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
