Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
