Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
