he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
