Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
