Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
