Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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