I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
