You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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