Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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