My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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