Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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