Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
