We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
