I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Dick very happy bro
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
