i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
