when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
