Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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