he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
