hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
