either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
