K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
