Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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