She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
