im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
