I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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