Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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