Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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