do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
