Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
pray to the hookup gods
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize