I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
