this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
