I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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