guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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