I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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