i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
