yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Me. At least after what I've been through.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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