You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
