I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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